Archive for the ‘Girl Talk’ Category

I don’t know about you, but I get a LOT of email.  Actually, I’m sure you do too.  Even my 10 year old gets a lot of email.  I am so grateful to belong to some amazing groups and to be on some teams that are doing cool work together.  But, I am not grateful to be on distribution lists that I don’t need to be on.  Here are some things to consider that can help minimize the noise in YOUR inbox:

To: Perfect for sending to one to five people who all have each other’s email addresses and know each other.

CC: Distribution lists are a great way to quickly communicate with a group of people, to make an invitation or to get some quick support or feedback.  When sending emails, only include the people who actually need to be on the list.  Don’t include the whole board just because they’re there and it makes you feel important to send an email to a dozen people.

BCC: If the people you are emailing don’t know each other and/or don’t need all the RSVPs, questions and responses that you are requesting, use BCC to keep their emails private.

Subject: PLEASE use a UNIQUE subject in your emails.  I can not tell you how many emails I get where the subject is the name of the group.  Please indicate specifically what your email is about in the subject line.  You are more likely to get a quick response.

Reply: When you reply to an email, you don’t necessarily need to change the subject.  However, when that email ends up going back and forth 10 times, it is helpful to change the subject as the subject changes.  Just notice when it might be helpful to change the subject instead of assuming that you don’t need to.

Reply All: THINK about it, before you hit “Reply All.”  That’s all I’m asking.  If you think I need to know, then include me.  But, if you just want me to see how clever or smart or supportive you are, I already know.  Simply reply directly to the person that needs your answer.  Please don’t tell me that you, too, will be at the board meeting tomorrow night.  I’ll see you there.

Edit: Please do everyone a favor and re-read your words before you send them.  If you aren’t a strong speller and you don’t want to look like an idiot, use spell check.  It’s built in.

Send: If you aren’t 100% sure that it’s a good idea to hit send, then hit “Save as Draft” and walk away for an hour (or over night).  It is not a good idea to send email when you are sad, mad, frustrated, PMS, just got off a long flight or when you have been drinking.  Save yourself some trouble and think before you “Send.”

Improving what you send and how you send it will improve the quality of what you get back.  People will do what you do.  Let’s start a trend of being a little more conscientious with our emails.

As a coach, I specialize in asking powerful questions.  Actually, in coach training, it’s something we focus on.  As a parent, I know that asking better questions, gets you better answers. My kids actually have my permission to remind me to, “Ask a better question!”

Here are some tips for asking great questions (and getting great answers):

• Ask open ended questions – questions that can not be answered with one or two words.
• Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to – If you know the answer, it isn’t really a question.  Example, “How was 1st period today?” when you know your teenager ditched school.
• Try to limit your question to 5-7 words.  People get confused and lose track of what you’re asking them if you include too much information.  Give the information first, if information is necessary, and then ask your question.  For example, “The school called and said you weren’t in first period.  Where were you?”
• Don’t ask leading questions – If you already know the answer you are trying to lead someone to, just tell them the answer and then ask them a question that you don’t know the answer to.  Example, “What support do you need to reach your goals?” is a leading question a lot of coaches ask trying to lead people to the answer “I need to hire a coach.”  It can feel manipulative and it’s not as interesting as “What’s the next step you need to take to reach your goal?”  It might not be to hire a coach.  In fact, it seldom is.
• Don’t ask Yes or No questions unless you will be satisfied with “Yes” or “No” as the answer.
• Try to avoid questions that don’t have a good answer.  “What were you thinking?” isn’t really a good question. Neither is “Why did Andrew get a soda and I didn’t?”  In this situation, I tell my kids to ask me a better question.  Something like, “Can I have a soda?”

So, in the spirit of asking great questions, here’s one for you to ask yourself as you are thinking about what questions you want to ask:

“What are you curious about?”

I’ve been doing the Body For Life program for two weeks and I’ve lost 6.5 pounds so far.  While I love these result, what I love even more is the process.  Every night, I answer four simple questions before I go to bed.  These questions have applications far beyond an eating and exercise plan and would be great questions for you to ask yourself on a daily basis as you move toward what you want most in your life, whether that’s health and fitness, love and romance, money and success or what ever else you can dream up.

Four Questions to Ask Yourself Every Day:

1. What are 3 things that I did great today that helped me move toward my goal(s)?
2. What is one thing that I can do even better tomorrow?
3. What are five things I can do in the next 24 hours to move me toward my goal(s)?
4. What are two things I can do in the next 24 hours to support and encourage others?

While it is great to simply ask yourself these questions, it’s even better to actually answer them – every day!  And while it’s great to answer them, it’s even more powerful if you WRITE down those answers.  So grab a pretty journal and get to it!  And if you miss a day, don’t sweat it.  Just get right back on the next day.  And please pop back and let me know what you think and how you’re doing!

Okay, I’ve got your attention!

Seriously, though, this is an important question.  So take a minute and think about it.  What underwear are you wearing and what do they say about you?  Nobody’s looking and you don’t have to tell me, but it’s in your best interest to take a look. Your underwear probably say something to the effect of:

• “I’m just a love machine!”
• “Tonight’s gonna be a good night!”
• “I’m a very sensible girl who values comfort and practicality.”
• “Wow!  There are some things around here that need some attention!”
• “Underwear!  What underwear?  This outfit can’t tolerate panty lines!”
• “I am a plain, basic, Wal-Mart kind of girl.”
• “Hottie!”
• “Only the finest and the best are good enough for my delicate parts.”
• “Granny”

So, now that you’ve checked yourself out, you are probably wondering what my point is.  My point is that most people want some sort of change in one (or more) of the following top three areas of their life:  weight, relationship/romance and money.  And, to actually affect change in ANY area of your life, you need to change your identity.  Your identity is who you think you are and what you think you’re about.  It drives every decision from what panties you wear to what you eat to where you shop to who you hang out with to how you spend money, etc.  You get the picture.   So, if you want to get rich, but you are busy living the Wal-Mart lifestyle, you are having some kind of identity crisis and Wal-Mart is probably winning.

Think about what you really want and who you need to be to get it.  And, now think about what kinds of things that girl does!  When you weigh 20 pounds less, I bet you wear different panties and shop at different stores.  When you are in a passionate relationship with the love of your life, I bet you wear different panties and eat different foods.  When you’re rich and famous, I bet you wear different panties and read different books.  You see!  It all starts with the panties!  Do you need to go change yours?

Your impact is how your words and actions make other people feel.  As a leader in the world and in your community, you will get great results by taking responsibility for your impact.

Here’s an example that you will understand if you’ve ever been in any kind of relationship:  In an arguement, you say something that is misunderstood or taken the wrong way.  It is normal for your response to be, “But, that’s not what I meant!  You are twisting my words.  You are making it mean something else.”  Or something to that effect.  I know you’ve been in this situation in some fashion.

Here’s the call to action:

Instead of blaming the other person for how they react to your messages, verbal and non-verbal, take responsibility for your impact.  Notice what kind of response you are getting from how and what you are communicating.  If you truly did not intend to insult your spouse, your child, your sister or your client, do not make it worse by telling them that they are wrong for being insulted.  If you don’t like the response you are getting, change your message and/or the way it’s being delivered.