Posts Tagged ‘being’

A good compliment lifts a person’s spirits. Giving a compliment comes easily and naturally for some people and it feels difficult and awkward for others. It is simply a skill that takes practice to develop.

Here are some tips:

1.  Pay Attention. The first step is to take notice of other people. Notice how they look and how they make you feel. Pay attention to what they say.

2.  Be Specific. People like to be known and seen. A powerful compliment is specific, not general. Consider the impact. “You’re awesome” doesn’t compare to “You are so organized and I know I can always count on you.”

3.  Be Genuine. A compliment should always be genuine and authentic. Look for what you honestly like about a person. Tell the truth.

4.  Be Generous. Giving a compliment is inherently a generous practice. Don’t use this as an opportunity to compare behavior that you like to behavior that you don’t. Keep your compliments clean and avoid offering them with corrections and comparisons. “I like your hair this color so much better than red” is actually an insult, not a compliment.

5.  Acknowledge. The most powerful compliments acknowledge who a person is and who they are becoming. Use this language, “You are…”

6.  Champion. Be a cheerleader. Let people know that you believe in them. Use this language, “I know …”

7.  Be Concise. A compliment can lose it’s impact if it is surrounded by explanations and justifications. Keep it brief, simple and direct.

8.  Let it Land. Don’t rush to the next thing. Allow your compliment to be received. Generally people will say, “Thank you.” Sometimes a person will push a compliment away by belittling themselves or minimizing their contribution. Gently repeat the compliment.

9.  Practice. Practice giving AND receiving compliments. Give at least 5 compliments every day. When someone gives you a compliment, simply say, “Thank you.”

Bruno

Pepper

Today, my dogs got out and they bolted! They took off into the hillside to chase some deer and I didn’t see them again for 3 hours. They came back thirsty, tired and smelling of rosemary (which is better than they smelled when they left). They are totally fine. But, I wasn’t. I was beside myself with worry and rearranged my schedule to attempt to find them. And I learned some things.

• Sometimes, you just have to run yourself silly after your dreams even if you can’t catch them. It’s all about the thrill of the chase, the exhilaration and what you experience and learn about on the way.
• Sometimes, you need to jump up and take advantage of an opportunity immediately or it will run off without you and you might not get it back. When my dogs broke out of the house (yes, broke out – one of them can open unlocked doors), I saw them make a break for it. I chased after them for about 5 minutes and then I gave up. I could see where they were on the hillside and I was going to be late for a conference call, so I went and called in. By the time I got back outside with my phone, they had disappeared and disappeared good.
• Sometimes it is better to be late or to reschedule than to let your life get all out of proportion. Instead of being late or canceling my call, I toughed it out for a while – while my dogs ran unsupervised through the hills. If you give up (after 5 minutes), it will make catching up later a lot harder. I searched for them for an hour in the hills after that, to no avail.
• Searching, worrying and running all over the place telling everyone you know that you need help doesn’t always yield results. In this case, I finally ended up coming home and getting on the phone with a client and my dogs just walked back into the house like nothing had happened that a long drink of water and a good long nap couldn’t fix.
• Sometimes a long drink of water and a good, long nap is exactly what is needed.
• The biggest lesson here for me is about being busy and active and taking action. I’m always the girl who takes action and takes care of business. If there is a problem, I’m going to fix it. What I am realizing is that many things don’t need to be fixed or worked on, but left to sort themselves out (like teenagers). Sometimes, it is more important to have faith that things can and will work themselves out without my input and that my most important contribution is to make sure there is a safe, loving environment to land in when the day is done.
• And, finally, gratitude. I am grateful that my dogs are home, that my husband is safely delivered to NYC, that my kids are all tucked in their beds and that my life is good. I am grateful for all my friends and neighbors that were real and sympathetic and supportive and told me the truth rather than what they thought I wanted to hear. I am grateful for these lessons today, because I am sure I will need them one day when the stakes are higher.

Download “The Mindset of a Leader” – 60 minute Inspirational Audio

1. Listen. There are 3 Levels of Listening.  Listen to what you are saying and what you are thinking.  Listen to what other people are saying and what they aren’t saying.  Listen to what’s going on in the environment.  This is the place to access your intuition.  Remember that communication is only 7% words.  Communication is also 38% tonality and 55% body language.  Really hear what people are saying.
2. Be intentional. For every activity and interaction, leaders have an intended impact and outcome.  Impact is how you want to feel or make others feel.  Outcome is what you want to do or inspire others to do.
3. Follow your urges. Everything serves.  Say what you’re thinking.  Follow your intuition and your impulses.  Stop worrying about what other people think.
4. Take responsibility for your impact. Stay.  Realize that following your urges might make a mess.  Stick around and clean it up.  Don’t blame others for misinterpreting you.  The arguements, “But, that’s not what I said!” or “That’s not what I meant” are ways of blaming others.  Take responsibility for your part.
5. Build rapport. You can lead people anywhere you want if you first meet them where they are.  The #1 Most Important Communication Tool is “What I love about that idea…”  Try it.  Sometimes you don’t know “what you love about that idea.”  Just say the words and see what comes out of your mouth.
6. Assume full permission. Leaders don’t wait for someone else to go first or for permission to do things.  Leaders assume that they have permission and act accordingly.
7. Decide and take action. Make mistakes.  Not making a choice is a choice.  Don’t let fear of making a mistake or not doing it exactly right stop you from taking action.  Do something!
8. Fail & Recover. When you make decisions and take action, you will make mistakes.  Learn from what happens, adjust and move forward.
9. Be Flexible. Success is tied closely to flexibility.  Let go of the rules that you have and how you think it’s supposed to look.  Make an intention and keep trying things until you get there.  Make a commitment to the outcome, but let go of attachment to the path you need to take to get there.
10. Have a coach. All successful people have some sort of coach.  There are coaches available for every situation and every budget.  You can’t see what you don’t know that you can’t see.  Get a coach to help you take your life to the next level.  PS  There is always a next level.
11. Have a powerful peer group. You are the sum total of the 5-7 people who you spend the most time with.  What areas of your life do you want to improve?  Improve your peer group in that area.
12. Model success. Don’t re-create the wheel.  Find someone who is getting the results you want to be getting and do what they are doing.

Bonus:

1. Find the opportunity in every difficulty and every challenge. Successful people still have problems.  They just have really good quality problems.  Welcome problems and challenges.  Get curious.  Find the learning (a coach can help) and find the opportunity.
2. Be unreasonable. Who cares if it makes sense?  Be totally unreasonable.  Be ridiculous.  Here is a place of full permisison.  What other people think about you should be no concern of yours.  If you want something to put your attention on, start caring about what YOU think about you.

Here’s a great example of how one person can impact a whole group of people just by passionately doing his own thing in the world. His thing may not be “your thing”, but use this as an inspiration to courageously get out there and do your thing!

10 Tips for Living an Extraordinary Life

1. Be Kind! Kindness is a choice that generally affects outcomes for the better. Choose the path of kindness. Meet people where they are at.

2. Be Peaceful! Focus on facts and intention. Carefully choose the meanings you assign. Acknowledge that everyone is doing the best that they can with the resources that they have.

3. Be Direct! Give up your stories and your complaints. Use stories for teaching and sharing. Deal with your problems directly. Take complaints to the source. Acknowledge your complaints as unspoken requests.

4. Be Responsible! There is no right or wrong. There is just commitment to the outcome.

5. Be Powerful! Be straight with your communication and take what you get. Speak the truth!

6. Be Courageous! Courage isn’t the absence of fear; it is acting in the face of fear. Acknowledge your fear and act anyway.

7. Have Integrity! Do what you say you will do when you say you will do it. When you don’t, acknowledge it, clean it up and make a new commitment. Honor your word.

8. Be Inspiring! Create new possibilities for yourself and others. Share new ideas with people so that they are moved, touched and inspired to action.

9. Be Charismatic! Be fully present. Give up your agenda and “trying to get somewhere”.

10. Have Fun! Life is too short to take yourself too seriously. Lighten up and have some fun.

Carrie Kish is a life coach who helps people live an extraordinary life.