Posts Tagged ‘Coaching’

Who’s on your belay team?  Most of us try to climb without one.  One of the distinguishing characteristics of successful people is that they get support and set themselves up with accountability partners.  They have someone that will anchor them when they fall and encourage them back up to their goals.

One thing that you definitely need on your way to success is accountability.  Basically, being accountable means that you answer to someone.  The best kind of accountability is someone or some structure that reminds you of your commitments and holds you to them.  Why do we need to be held accountable?  Because we’re human.  Generally, our best selves set the goals and resolutions and our weakest selves sabotage the efforts all along the way.  The thing to be careful about is that you make the distinction that your accountability partner isn’t actually responsible for you getting your result, you are.

There are a lot of different types of accountability.  The first step is to figure out what you want to be accountable to, what you want to accomplish or what results you want to achieve.  Goals and resolutions are a good place to start.  Then find a way to be accountable to achieve that result.  Find what works for you!  Don’t confuse that with “find what you like best.”  Find what actually works.

1. Personal Accountability - You are accountable to you.  This takes structures in order for you to succeed because we have a lot of different layers of values and desires and our needs in the moment can sabotage our short or long term goals.  Ideas for structures that work:  measurement (weigh yourself, count your money, count your clients), success journal (write down 5 things you will do to move you toward your goals in the next 24 hours, check in daily), write it down (food journal, QuickBooks, to do lists), time structures (put it in your calendar, make a deadline, use a timer), visual/sensory reminders (vision board, wearing special jewelry or perfume, post it notes), etc.  A bold kind of structure that really works for personal accountability is to schedule something or buy something that will force you to keep to your goal.  For example, signing up to run a marathon or scheduling a beach vacation with your high school girlfriends who all wear bikinis might help you stick to your fitness and weight loss goals.  Leasing a car through your business might help you find the motivation you need to make the money you need to make to cover it.  I’ve known people to buy houses, cars, lease offices, hire consultants and employees and then have to do whatever it takes to make the money to pay for those things.
2. Being Accountable to Friends – Tell your friends or family what you’re up to so that they can hold you to it.  It’s great to lean in to your friends and family for support, but be aware that they probably won’t really hold you accountable unless you are really specific about what you want from them.  We tend to collude with our friends and family and diminish their failures because we love them.  We let each other off the hook.  If you plan to use one or more friends for accountability, design them to call you out under certain circumstances and to hold you to your word or your best when they see you falling short.  Give them the specific conditions and language you want them to use and practice it.
3. Group Accountability – There are a lot of different kinds of groups you might be accountable to.  Generally, everyone in the group is working on similar goals as you are.  This could be in the form of a mastermind group, a board of directors, a support group, a club, a team or some other group of peers.  Pretty much, it’s peer pressure at work for you.  You just don’t want to let the group down or look bad in front of them, so you keep your word and do your best.  Most of these kinds of groups also have a coach or a leader that will add another layer of support and accountability.
4. Professional Accountability – Paying someone or getting paid by someone to get results.  You might hire a coach or a consultant to help you get specific results and to hold you accountable.  Conversely, this type of accountability can come from an employer or a customer who is paying you to achieve some result for them and you are accountable in that way. For some reason, “money talks” and most of us respond pretty well to this kind of direct accountability, where our professional reputations are at stake.
5. Public Accountabilty – Blogging, Social Networking and all other forms of telling the world what you are up to so that they will know what to expect from you.  This is bold and powerful.  Unfortunately, “the world” only knows what you tell them, so they can’t call you out about eating ice cream on the sofa at 11pm unless you tweet it or something like that.

The bottom line is that accountability works.  Go get some!

I am starting three Coaching Mastermind Groups in May that will meet twice a month for an hour over the phone – Goal setting, accountability, coaching, consulting and mentoring all in one.  Mondays at 9:30am, Tuesdays at 8:30am or Fridays at 10:30am  pacific.  Call, text or email me now!

We are all running around looking for the magic solution, the answer to our problems, a new diet, a new marketing plan, the secret to happiness and other imaginary answers that we think are out there somewhere.  We read books, go to workshops, attend seminars, listen to teleclasses, go on retreats and hire coaches, consultants, teachers, trainers and other experts to show us the way.  Here’s the thing, though, you probably already know the answer!

One of the payoffs of running around looking for the answer is that you don’t have to do that thing that you know you need to do that you don’t want to do.  Stop right now and ask yourself, “What is the ONE thing that I need to do in order to get the results I’m after?”  You might come up with 2 things, you might come up with 10.  Listen to me good!  ONE of those things on your list is probably the thing you’ve been avoiding and it’s the thing that will set you free.  I bet you want some examples.  Okay…

Weight Loss:

You want to lose weight?  Oh, I know this one!  What are the things that you think you need to do to get you the results you’re after?  Exercise, keep a food log, eat particular foods, drink water, don’t eat other foods, watch your portions, eat more often, eat less often, hire a trainer, run a marathon, join a gym, get a buddy, etc.  These are all great ideas.  I bet that ONE of these things, though, is the ONE thing that you really need to focus on.  For me, it’s eat less – period.  I can employ all kinds of different strategies and plans for eating less.  I can get all kinds of support for eating less.  I can take pills that will help me eat less.  I can hire a coach or a trainer that will hold me accountable to eating less.  But, I still need to eat less.  Period.

Get More Clients:

You want more clients?  Haha, I know this one, too!  What are the things you think you need to do to get more clients?  I bet you have a hundred things on that list:  network, speak to your target market, define your target market, re-design your website, start a blog, hang out on Facebook more, Twitter, drink more coffee (with other people), eat more lunches (again, with other people), join another networking group, get a new credential, learn a new skill, add more letters to your name, send an e-zine, have a free offer, lower your prices, raise your prices, advertise, etc.  Oh, I could go on and on and on.  There are hundreds of strategies that you could employ.  Let me tell you something.  NONE of those things is going to get you more clients!  These things will get you contacts, prospects, referral partners and the like, but they won’t get you clients.  You actually have to ask for business – whether it’s in person, on the phone, by email , through Facebook or whatever.  You can have the best marketing plan in the world, if you don’t have a sales plan, you won’t sell anything.

So, what is it for you?  What is the problem you want to solve and what is the ONE thing that you aren’t doing that you need to do to get results?  Don’t get me wrong.  I am not suggesting that you stop doing the 9 other things you’re doing that are actually working.  I just know that there is ONE thing that you’re not doing that you need to start doing.  I also know that the one thing you aren’t doing isn’t more of something that’s working (or not working).  You don’t need to exercise more, blog more, go to more meetings, etc.  You do need to do those things, but you also need to do the ONE thing that you’re not doing.  Figure it out and do it!

If you need help figuring out what your ONE thing is, call me or another coach.  I can’t always see my one thing.  Sometimes I can and I don’t want to do it, can’t do it or won’t do it.  Coaches and consultants can help you with new strategies, twists and awarenesses that can help with that part, too.

I bet you have some problems.  It’s pretty much the human condition.  Most of us, myself included, tend to have this belief that if we do everything right and live a good life, then we won’t have any problems.  Well, that’s really an unrealistic fantasy.  Imagine how boring and stagnant your life would be if you never had any problems.  I know, I know.  I don’t mind having problems, I just wish I had better quality problems.  But, if we could pick and chose our problems and when and how they present themselves, we probably wouldn’t call them problems – they’d be part of our education or something like that.

Embrace your problems.  Successful people tend to expect problems, plan for them and have strategies for solving them.  Anthony Robbins is one of my teachers and mentors and I love keeping myself in front of his work.  He recently offered these 6 Questions for Solving Problems at his Business Mastery program:

1. What’s great about this?  What else is great about this?
2. What can I learn from this?  What else can I learn from this?
3. What’s not perfect yet?  What else isn’t perfect yet?
4. What am I willing to do to make it the way I want it?
5. What am I willing to stop doing to make it the way I want it?
6. How can I enjoy the process?

You probably see where I get my habit of calling 12 questions, 6.  Haha.  Here’s one bonus question that I offer for you to add to your problem solving tool kit:

1. What opportunities do I now have that I didn’t have before now?

Have fun solving your problems and remember that coaches love to support you in your problem solving efforts.  We have hundreds of questions just like this that we keep in our tool kit to help you.

If you have a problem that you’d like some coaching on, try my Problem Solving Package – Two 30 Minute Coaching Sessions for you to use as you’d like without any long term contracts or agreements.  Call my office 661-255-2100, email me , or text my cell 661-755-3242 to set up an appointment.

The Arbinger Institute has coined the phrase “being in the box” as a stuck, non-resourceful place of conflict with other people.  Sometimes it’s subtle and other times it’s obvious, but one thing is for sure:  you don’t want to be in the box!  Being in the box is simply a way of dehumanizing others and objectifying them to justify your “in the box”ness.

In their books, “Leadership and Self-Deception” and “The Anatomy of Peace”, the Arbinger Institute describes four main ways that we tend to “be in the box” toward others:

1.  The Better-Than Box

• View of Myself:  Superior, Important, Virtuous, Right
• View of Others:  Inferior, Incapable, Irrelevant, False, Wrong
• Feelings:  Impatient, Disdainful, Indifferent
• View of the World:  Competitive, Troubled, Needs Me

2.  The I-Deserve Box

• View of Myself:  Meritorious, Mistreated, Victim, Unappreciated
• View of Others:  Mistaken, Mistreating, Ungrateful
• Feelings:  Entitled, Deprived, Resentful
• View of the World:  Unfair, Unjust, Owes Me

3.  The Must-Be-Seen-As Box

• View of Myself:  Nee to be well thought of, Fake
• View of Others:  Judgmental, Threatening, My Audience
• Feelings:  Anxious, Afraid, Needy, Stressed, Overwhelmed
• View of the World:  Dangerous, Watching, Judging Me

4.  The Worse-Than Box

• View of Myself:  Not as good, Broken, Deficient, Fated
• View of Others:  Advantaged, Privileged, Blessed
• Feelings:  Helpless, Jealous, Bitter, Depressed
• View of the World:  Hard, Difficult, Against me, Ignoring me

Now, I have to admit that I have two favorite boxes that I am very comfortable climbing into.  We all have at least one favorite or habitual box that we “get in” toward others.  The thing is, you know you don’t feel good in the box.  It’s easy to notice once you put your attention on it.

The Arbinger Institute also offers us a 3 Step Solution for Getting Out of the Box:

1.  Look for the signs of the box – blame, justification, horribilization (I didn’t make this word up, they did – but I love it!), common box feelings and views of self, others and the world.

2.  Find an “out of the box” place – an out of the box relationship (coaches are great examples of this type of relationship), an out of the box place (spa, beach, bath tub, etc), an out of the box activity (exercise, listening to music, reading, etc), or an out of the box memory (especially one of the person you are currently in the box toward).

3.  Ponder the situation anew and ask some of the following questions:

• What are this person’s challenges, trials, burdens and pains?
• How am I adding to them?
• In what other ways have I neglected or mistreated this person?
• In what ways are my boxes obscuring the truth about others and myself and interfering with potential solutions?
• What am I feeling like I should do to help?  What could I do to help?

I love the Arbinger Work and it’s hard to sufficiently cover it in 50o words or less.  I highly recommend their books and programs.  I’ve been studying it and practicing it for over a year and I still find myself in the box (afterall, it’s the human condition).  What I can tell you is that it is sometimes easier than others to get out of the box.  Sometimes I know I’m in the box and I am perfectly happy being there and I’m looking to recruit people to join me in my box.  That’s when it’s helpful to have a coach.

As much as I love Galinda and love being “popular”, this video makes me think of all the coaches, consultants and gurus out there who are promising to make you popular for a price.  Their plan is to take you and your business from being a green brunette, like Elphaba, and turn it into a shallow blonde (I use this term affectionately, haha) by doing exactly what they do whether you like it or not.

Here’s the thing.  Marketing is, indeed, about being popular.  It is essentially and simply telling people what you do over and over and over and over, wash, rinse, repeat.  And, sales is getting the people who know about you to buy from you.  Period.  There are a lot of ways to go about that.  You can do networking, refine your elevator speech, stop using an elevator speech, send brochures to your target market, write a blog, make cold calls, throw parties and on and on.  The thing about marketing, though, is that it needs to be about being and becoming more of yourself.  It shouldn’t be about trying to be someone else or following some magical plan that promises to make you popular.  If you’re green, you need to embrace being green and show off how special being green is so that you can reach your clients who need you to be green.

If you want some help developing your marketing plan that embraces who you are and what you’re about, check out  Get Clients NOW! It’s a program for creating a simple and effective plan with action items that you will do and that you love doing in order to increase your visibility with your target market and get more clients, now!  And if you just want to be more popular, I can help you with that, too!