Posts Tagged ‘leadership’

You’ve probably heard it said that you are the sum total of the 7 people you hang out with most.  So who do you hang out with most?  And, do you like who you are and who you are becoming in that company?

If you want to lose weight, hang out with healthy, fit people.  It makes it easier.  If you want to be more successful, surround yourself with people who are MORE successful than you are.  If you want to be in a fulfilling marriage, hang out with other couples who represent that for you.

Conceptually, this sounds great.  But, I think it’s harder than it sounds.  I know that the people I spend the most time with actually are my children.  When they were little, it was hard for my brain to keep from turning to jello sometimes.  As an entrepreneur, I spend most of my time working with clients or in pursuit of new clients.  I have to make a conscious effort to put myself in environments that stretch me and to surround myself with people who propel me forward.

Here are 7 Ways to Create a Powerful Peer Group:

1. Be at choice about who you spend your time with.  Of course there are important people who you are in relationships with that may not serve your vision of who you are becoming.  Choose when to spend your time with them and how much time and energy you want to invest in that relationship.  I’m not going to stop hanging out with my kids.  But, I am intentional about that time.  I love to play games with them, help them with their homework, make meals, go to the movies and just hang out with my kids.  But, I don’t play Xbox or WOW with them.  You get the idea.  I also love my extended family dearly.  I come from a long line of women who love with food – lots of delicious food.  If I am watching my diet, I need to plan ahead when I attend a family event.  It’s also true that I love with food and make regular attempts to kill my loved ones with enchiladas and cheesecake.  They need to plan accordingly and enlist my support when they come over.

2. Bring the people in your current peer group up with you.  So, in the case of my family, especially my immediate family, I am not going to stop eating with them as a long term solution.  But, I can enroll them in eating better with me.  Now, I have a peer group that supports me.  You can do this with your office staff, your management team, the Little League moms or any of your other friends.

3. Join networking and business development groups or start your own.  My favorite business development group for Women Entrepreneurs is The Association of Women Entreprenuers.  I am inspired by the motivational and inspirational speakers.  I love the mastermind groups.  And I cherish the friendships that I have made with like-minded women in pursuit of MORE.

4. Join or start a mastermind group.  Be intentional about who you choose to mastermind with.  Look for people who compliment you and stretch you.  Many coaches and consultants offer the opportunity to mastermind with them for a price.  If this is your next teacher, then the price is generally worth it.  You can mastermind with me, if you are so inspired.

5. Attend conventions in your field.  Conventions are a fabulous opportunity to network with other like-minded professionals who are moving in the same direction that you are and conventions generally offer progressive educational opportunites in your field.

6. Pursue a credential.  Most credentialing programs give you education with a peer group, or tribe, built in.  One of the tribes that I am proudest to belong to and most stretched and fulfilled by is my CTI Leadership Tribe.  My coaching certification, CPCC (Certified Professional Co-Active Coach), also admits me to an amazing, international tribe of coaches and leaders.  I continue to be inspired and grown by these associations.

7. Join an association of professionals in your field.  As a coach, I belong to The International Coach Federation and The International Coach Federation in Los Angeles.  I know I am among “my people” when I attend any ICF event.  Know your tribe!  If you are a designer, hang out with other designers.  If you are a realtor, work with other realtors.  These collaborations make us all better at what we do and help us to serve our clients better by bringing up our whole industry.

Whatever you do, do something.  You’re success depends on it!

Your impact is how your words and actions make other people feel.  As a leader in the world and in your community, you will get great results by taking responsibility for your impact.

Here’s an example that you will understand if you’ve ever been in any kind of relationship:  In an arguement, you say something that is misunderstood or taken the wrong way.  It is normal for your response to be, “But, that’s not what I meant!  You are twisting my words.  You are making it mean something else.”  Or something to that effect.  I know you’ve been in this situation in some fashion.

Here’s the call to action:

Instead of blaming the other person for how they react to your messages, verbal and non-verbal, take responsibility for your impact.  Notice what kind of response you are getting from how and what you are communicating.  If you truly did not intend to insult your spouse, your child, your sister or your client, do not make it worse by telling them that they are wrong for being insulted.  If you don’t like the response you are getting, change your message and/or the way it’s being delivered.

Mother Teresa

No matter your politics or your religion, most people recognize Mother Teresa as a great woman.  Her life and her work celebrate the simple joy of loving, the greatness and dignity of all people and the value of doing little things faithfully and with love.  She inspires me in so many ways, but most notably by being a leader in the world who affected change with one small action at time.  The legacy she leaves us is the knowledge that small things matter and that everyone has something to contribute.  Everyone.  She said, “Do not wait for leaders.  Do it alone, person to person.”  What she may not recognize, in her humility, is that this is actually true leadership.  And this is the kind of leader that Mother Teresa was.  This reminds me to let go of the details and simply do the work that is in front of me now.  She also told us, “We can not do great things.  We can only do small things with great love.”  She reminds us that a smile heals and it is ours to give.  Smile at someone today.  She reminds us to love our neighbors, really.  For many of us, that means getting to know our neighbors.  And, with the holidays approaching, I also like to remember that Mother Teresa said, “If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one.”  It is a small act of kindness and humanity and it is something tangible that we can all do.

If you haven’t seen this, make some time. This is a great speech that speaks to the work that ALL of us are here to do. If you are short on time, skip the introduction. If you really need the “cliff notes” version, watch the last 15 minutes.

Download “The Mindset of a Leader” – 60 minute Inspirational Audio

1. Listen. There are 3 Levels of Listening.  Listen to what you are saying and what you are thinking.  Listen to what other people are saying and what they aren’t saying.  Listen to what’s going on in the environment.  This is the place to access your intuition.  Remember that communication is only 7% words.  Communication is also 38% tonality and 55% body language.  Really hear what people are saying.
2. Be intentional. For every activity and interaction, leaders have an intended impact and outcome.  Impact is how you want to feel or make others feel.  Outcome is what you want to do or inspire others to do.
3. Follow your urges. Everything serves.  Say what you’re thinking.  Follow your intuition and your impulses.  Stop worrying about what other people think.
4. Take responsibility for your impact. Stay.  Realize that following your urges might make a mess.  Stick around and clean it up.  Don’t blame others for misinterpreting you.  The arguements, “But, that’s not what I said!” or “That’s not what I meant” are ways of blaming others.  Take responsibility for your part.
5. Build rapport. You can lead people anywhere you want if you first meet them where they are.  The #1 Most Important Communication Tool is “What I love about that idea…”  Try it.  Sometimes you don’t know “what you love about that idea.”  Just say the words and see what comes out of your mouth.
6. Assume full permission. Leaders don’t wait for someone else to go first or for permission to do things.  Leaders assume that they have permission and act accordingly.
7. Decide and take action. Make mistakes.  Not making a choice is a choice.  Don’t let fear of making a mistake or not doing it exactly right stop you from taking action.  Do something!
8. Fail & Recover. When you make decisions and take action, you will make mistakes.  Learn from what happens, adjust and move forward.
9. Be Flexible. Success is tied closely to flexibility.  Let go of the rules that you have and how you think it’s supposed to look.  Make an intention and keep trying things until you get there.  Make a commitment to the outcome, but let go of attachment to the path you need to take to get there.
10. Have a coach. All successful people have some sort of coach.  There are coaches available for every situation and every budget.  You can’t see what you don’t know that you can’t see.  Get a coach to help you take your life to the next level.  PS  There is always a next level.
11. Have a powerful peer group. You are the sum total of the 5-7 people who you spend the most time with.  What areas of your life do you want to improve?  Improve your peer group in that area.
12. Model success. Don’t re-create the wheel.  Find someone who is getting the results you want to be getting and do what they are doing.

Bonus:

1. Find the opportunity in every difficulty and every challenge. Successful people still have problems.  They just have really good quality problems.  Welcome problems and challenges.  Get curious.  Find the learning (a coach can help) and find the opportunity.
2. Be unreasonable. Who cares if it makes sense?  Be totally unreasonable.  Be ridiculous.  Here is a place of full permisison.  What other people think about you should be no concern of yours.  If you want something to put your attention on, start caring about what YOU think about you.